Hurricane Sandy

The days are long, the nights are short, and I seem to get tossed between them like the hurricane that devastates the east coast. My life is starting to feel like a string of decisions, one harder than the next, choosing between the things  I love and the things I need. I have my constants, my beautiful blue eyed constant, my strong solemn constant, my craze-balls constant, The constants that inspire me to put one foot in front of the other through intense heat and billowing storms; but still I have the hanging weary sagged shoulders of decision making. So what it comes down to is how hard I'm willing to trudge through the quicksand in my fire swamp. Whenever someone says to me their life is hard, generally I find a nice way of saying "suck it up, it could be worse." so maybe instead of letting my nose slip below the lip of the sand, I can churn it to glass, and shatter free. Tip-toeing on the scale seems to be the only option, but I know better than Indiana; you can't trick the scale with a bag of pebbles to meet my desires.

"If you are going through hell, keep going."
-Winston Churchill

Today I ran my face into a gurney trying to pick it up... it's going to be a long week. 

Dear Gym,
I know I've been getting by on just running and cardio and have been using the excuse that I'm trying to trim fat. And remember when you told me to do squats and build my leg back and core muscles and I didn't listen? Well I'm sorry, you were right; smacking my face into the gurney was less than fun. I'll be there tomorrow to start with my work out... for my whole body :(

P.S. be gentle.

It hurts.

So I have a friend, she has her moments, she has her problems; we all do, can't fault her for that. We call each other best friends, we say "I love you" and we lean on each other when we need too. The catch? She lies to me, over and over and over again. Each lie reminds me of a girl who looked up to her and did the same thing to me years ago. Because they are always lies for attention and lies to save her reputation; she's so caught up in her lies that the fold on themselves and leaves everyone in their wake. Her oldest friends warned me but I chose not to listen, thinking "I'm different, she would never do to me what she did to them". I mean, how could she? we love each other right? Then again she loves them too...

I've learned you can not change people, but you can change yourself. But how much should I change for her? I'll never stop hating lies, and i'm not willing to pay that price... so what next?

Swoops from Ash

World series vs. Elections vs. Homework

Having to choose... and then having to listen to all the bullshit from all of them... Go GIANTS!(giants won the vote)

change of perspective

You know, It took me a long time to realize that the world that I live in doesn't revolve around the 9-5 and the paid vacations, and the white picket fence. What I've come to realize is that if I were to pick up and leave for 5 day or a month that I would remember those moments as happy and free. Don't get me wrong, I'm not planning on pulling a Into the Wild anytime soon, but i'm realizing that I am not my school, or my job, the music i listen to, the books i read, or the pieces of paper that tell people I went to school. But instead I am my choices and my fears. I choose not to be afraid of being behind a desk for the rest of my life. I choose to be proactive. I choose to take sundays for laying around doing nothing and then spend breakfast in France. Because I've lived in an amazing city for my whole life, and even though each street feels like home and I have a pull from that comfort zone, it's time to step out, one toe at a time into the cool waters of the Atlantic and pull each fistful of water behind me, with fresh eyes, with friends and with love to keep me afloat.

Song of the day

For all those who are in the prime of your youth... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-2dqMaf4-w

Map to my heart

And revert to re-reading the classics...

Midterms...

Today, I got a job as an EMT! Ecstatic beyond measure. I can ride out the first rains of the year under the stars and a feeling of reverie.

Lion's share

New beginnings

"I'm not sure how I feel about posting things on the internet" went through my mind as I considered starting a blog... but I have a Facebook, so that internal argument was short lived. I wanted something anonymous where I could expose all the side of myself. The ones that I chose; without having to think twice about what people like or not. So perhaps, I can feel free, and let down my mask, and refrain from being weepy, because regardless of my mask, that is just not an appealing state for me.